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I’m 20. I’m not very old. I write blogs on my experiences and what I learn but I’m definitely not the wisest person out there. I’m small and weak and only know so many words. But in my opinion, until I change it, I like to think that I’ve received a few nuggets of wisdom here and there, mostly in the last 6 months if I’m being honest. And I’m here to share it with you. So here it is. Here is a list of 20 things I have learned by 20, in no specific order:
1. Letting go is necessary sometimes.
My dentist hygienist is super cool. She once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth. When you get a tooth pulled, you feel relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth was? Probably a million times a day. It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. Should you have kept the tooth? No. Because it was causing so much pain. You just have to move on and let it go.
2. Constantly imagine yourself being 80.
This is weird. But there’s this picture in my head of 80-year-old Leigh sitting in a rocking chair on a front porch looking back at the life she lived. I think about all the opportunities I’m given every day and ask myself if that would make my 80-year-old self happy. Say my mom asks me to go to breakfast tomorrow morning. There’s a part of me that would want to just roll my eyes and go back to sleep. But as an 80-year-old looking back, I would jump out of bed and go without any second thought. See what I mean?
3. Be kind to everyone. Every single human being out there. This is so important.
If I’m on a date, I always pay attention to how my date treats the wait staff at the restaurant. Listen up ladies. I don’t care if your man is the most powerful cat in the room, don’t hesitate to judge him on how he treats the least powerful person in the room. One question I get asked a lot is how I can be kind to people who are so rude to me. And it’s because I’ve been there. I’ve been rude to nice people before and I know that rudeness comes from a place or roaring pain. Every single person you know has something in their life or their past that is probably worth collapsing to the ground in an uncontrollable sob over. So be nice to each other.
4. Have someone older than you invest in your life.
Rachel Lauder. She may be twice my age but nonetheless, my best friend. She is my rock. My Dwayne. My Johnson. Always kind. Always quick to speak simple truth into me. To love myself. To respect myself. To care for and about myself. To push me back on my Godly path of life. I wish I could just reach across the screen and grab your hand and tell you that whether that comes from this blog or another person, I desperately want you to receive that truth.
5. Don’t let anyone make you cruel.
No matter how badly you want to give the world a taste of its own bitter medicine, don’t. It is never worth losing yourself. Stuff happens and sometimes it sucks. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Just don’t let your wounds transform you into someone that you are not.
6. Someone else’s opinion. Does. Not. Matter.
You know what’s strange? That I know myself better than anyone else yet I sometimes crumble at the words of someone who hasn’t lived a second in my life. There are so many people out there that think they know you. Listen to no one else’s voice but yours. The version of you that someone else creates in their head is not your responsibility. Let’s just leave it at that.
7. You don’t have to have a dream.
If you have something you have always wanted to do, fine. Go for it. I’ve never had a dream like that though. I passionately pursue my short-term goals as of right now because I have no idea what I want to do with my life yet. If this is also you, work proudly on whatever it is in front of you. You never know what it could lead to. However, if you are one of those people that have their life planned to a T by the age 20, just be careful. If you focus too far in front of you, you won’t see what’s right under your nose. You won’t see the things that actually matter. The important stuff. The things that make you most human.
8. Make conversation with whoever you can and whenever you can. You can meet some interesting people.
Doesn’t matter if this person is 8 or 80. If you see someone sitting alone, go talk to them. If you’re in the bathroom washing your hands, make conversation with the girl washing her hands next to you. If you’re at the gym, go talk to the person working out across from you. People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be.
9. No is a complete sentence.
You don’t have to justify anything. That is all.
10. Girl power.
If you want confidence but don’t know how to get it, a really good way is to be confident in other people. When you walk into a restaurant to pick up your lunch, think, “Dang she is killing that outfit!” Or when you go to class, think, “Wow my teacher is rocking her haircut!” When you start seeing everyone else as beautiful, at some point you realize that you’re everyone too. Be you, wear that thing you keep convincing yourself out of, smile really big, buy the red lipstick, and laugh at the little things. You glow girl :)
11. Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.
Have you ever been 2 seconds from a psychotic break because you can’t get a necklace hooked? Ok yeah, what a small problem that is. Let me give you another one. Have you ever met someone who is literally the human form of crumbs in the bed? Maybe that one will resonate with you a little better. Either way, problems (big or small) will make their way to you no matter what. Every day. But what happens to you is never as important as how you react to what happens. Remember this.
12. Recycle.
Not talking about actually recycling, even though that is super important too. I’m talking about taking the same energy you use to hate and criticize yourself and turn it into confidence. That’s how you recycle.
13. Define yourself by what you love.
I think it’s starting to be a trend to always be anti-something. Anti-feminist. Anti-political. Anti-everything. And we define ourselves by it. There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion, but don’t always be anti-stuff. Be intentionally honest about the things you admire. Give praise to other people. Fall in love with life. Vent about your joy, not just your problems. It’s not cool to hate things. It’s boring. Talk about what you love and keep quiet about what you don’t.
14. Be a teacher.
Teachers are the most important people on the planet. Seriously. You can’t convince me otherwise. But even if you’re not a teacher, be a teacher. In any aspect of your life. In any job. Share your ideas. Teach others what you know. Teach others like your teachers taught you. Rejoice in what you learn. This is how the world goes around.
15. Be you. Unapologetically.
Make silly jokes. Stick your tongue out at babies. Ask people about their story. Compliment other girls on their clothes. Laugh a lot. Smile even more. Look for the good things in your day. Walk with straight posture. Look people in the eye. Love passionately. Be you.
16. It’s okay to protect your peace.
It’s not selfish to do what is best for you. Sometimes I hold on to stuff that I think is good for me but is actually choking the life out of me. If something isn’t good for you, learn let it go. Do whatever necessary to protect your peace. Whether that be cutting someone out of your life, deleting social media for a few days, whatever. If it is ruining your mental health, tell it goodbye. Easier said than done because sometimes the things we cherish are the things that used to bring us peace- but no longer do. It’s hard to come to this point. But necessary. So necessary.
17. Keep a journal.
Get a journal. Seriously. Write down your favorite moments, your least favorite moments, ideas, grocery lists, people you’ve met, strangers you walk past on the street, your favorite quotes, what the sky looked like one summer night at 8 pm, your passions, how you feel right now. Seriously. Write it all down. You’ll reread it in 2 or 20 years and remember exactly what it was like to be in this exact moment. Maybe you’ll have a laugh while crying on the bathroom floor. Maybe your kids will read it. Who knows… just keep a journal and take it with you everywhere.
18. You’re not stuck.
You wanna know one of the worst feelings in the world? Feeling stuck. Stuck in a situation where I can’t see things getting better. Convinced that it will always be this way. Impossible. Beyond what I can bear. But hey. Falling down is a part of life, and getting back up is living. Don’t be afraid to start over. This time you won’t be starting from scratch, but you’ll be starting from experience. You’re not stuck. I promise.
19. Healing is important.
Healing is intimate. Delicate. Important. It will not happen overnight. So take the journey you need to get there. If you need a mental break – take it. If you need to go for a walk and get some fresh air – do it. If you need to turn your phone off for a few hours- do just that. Treat yourself like the most important person in your life. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend.
20. Fill it.
My grandma told me several times before passing that there is one thing you should do with your existence here on earth. Fill it. Two decades isn’t a lot of time, but two decades has taught me this already: you should fill it by learning as much as you can. Take pride in whatever you do. Have compassion. Share your ideas. You guys- life is incredibly exciting. Sometimes you’ll be sad and sometimes you’ll be happy. And then you’ll be old. So don’t waste your life away. Fill it.
Okay so you’ve made it to the end. It actually warms my heart that you would read this in its entirety. Hehe. Thank you for indulging me. But before you leave – I’d like to tell you why I’m writing this to you. This past year was my year. My year for pain, my year for growth, my year. This year broke me. It doesn’t sound good but it was necessary. I lost people and I came very near to losing my mind and peace. I want to make one thing clear: depression is real. It’s breaking down in the middle of a busy restaurant. It’s waking up from dreams that cause an unbearable pain in your chest when you realize they are just that- a dream. It’s feeling okay for weeks at a time and then feeling the weight on your shoulders again. I would love to tell you I’m writing this because I’ve overcome depression in every way. I’ve made progress. I’ve not mastered it, though. But God has a funny little way of putting all the pieces back together - better than they were before. You don’t know how much blessing is wrapped up in your little battle. Seriously. Even though I have had my share of pain, this past year has been the first year I feel proud of who I am. This is the first year I am confident in my identity in Jesus. Thank you, God, for orchestrating the story that led me here.
“How gracefully and purposefully He brings everything together; the Master storyteller, always intervening, always for the better.” –Morgan Harper Nichols
