the place people don't really talk about

This is a spontaneous post. Thought about and typed up in about an hour while watching Friends with a blanket wrapped around me and a very large glass of sweet tea sitting in front of me. (should be drinking water but instead I’m just going to pretend I don’t feel guilty about it) btw its been a while since I've written one of these so it's good to be back :)

Anyways, I like to think of myself as a rather private person (yes the girl literally spilling her life story on the internet), but my friend told me that I needed to get more honest with myself. I found that writing is the best way to do that so here it is, Ellie. I know you are probably reading this on your phone sipping some type of healthy smoothie and laughing at this point. But really, this blog is way more personal than I thought it would turn out to be. But that’s okay because it’s real. It’s the truth. It’s what has been heavy on this little heart of mine. Also, I’ve been trying to get back into consistent blogging so hold me to it you guys

Anyways, let’s just cut straight to it. I’ve always appreciated the type of people who don't beat around the bush and fluff you up before saying whatever it is they actually want to say (even though I am 100% apart of the “those people”). But lately, I’ve been in a funk. A rut, if you will. A difficult place. A please-don’t-critique-anything-i-do-because-i-might-have-a-breakdown kind of place. Know what I mean? Picture someone trying to stand in a hammock. That is the perfect metaphor to describe me right now, pretty spot on actually. Perhaps you can relate to my over-dramatic emotions or maybe you are judging the rest of us very harshly right now. Shh. Let us have our moment.

You might be familiar with that one verse in the Bible that says, “Do not lean on your own understanding”. I’ve heard it throughout my life, but I’ve never really taken that to heart until lately. I think God is showing me over and over how serious He is when it comes to that. Our hearts are deceitful. Our emotions fluctuate. Our understanding does not see the overall picture. God never lies and never changes. He knows all... so why do I stray away from his goodness? I am constantly learning that if I don’t fill my mind with prayer, I fill it with anxiety, worry, temptations, and resentment. My strength lies in my intimacy with God and I’m learning that every single day.

I’ve also learned a lot about peace. Obtaining actual peace. In the midst of chaos, knowing peace is so essential and it is something I keep close to my heart. Peace isn’t the absence of struggle, but the presence of love. Our peace doesn’t rise and fall with things that happen to us. The peace of our souls is tethered to all that God is. I might not be able to predict His specific plans, but as Lysa Terkeurst said: knowing that God will work everything out for good is a completely predictable promise. And I’m holding on tight to that promise.

To wrap this up, I’m here to tell anyone that needs to hear this. There will never be a perfect situation. If God allows you to go through a storm, there is a reason. He needs you to get something out of it. It is not to destroy you, but to show you who He is on another dimension. Yes, He wants to be closer to YOU. Me? Why me? How could God love me after everything I’ve done? How could God love me when these lips don’t adequately praise him? Here's the thing… He looks at everything you have done wrong, how many times you’ve betrayed him, your ugliest sins, every regret you may have, and yet… He could not love you more.